This is a bit off topic from my travel blog but I just needed to write something somewhere and since my ADD is the culprit for my lack of productivity with this blog (and everything else) it seemed appropriate to just write it here.
This is rant started developing in my head when I was trying to concentrate on doing my work for uni. I’m staring at the screen trying as hard as I can to process the complex and wordy sentences into meaning in my head and it just wasn’t happening. Instead I’m literally imagining a fly buzzing around inside my empty head while an intense feeling of anger and frustration starts to eat its way through my chest like acid until I’m ready to scream, punch and cry. So I did… it’s a good things pillows don’t have feelings. Now I’m here, divulging all my feelings on ADD to my internet audience. This would probably be a good time to explain that I have Inattentive Attention Deficit Disorder, which basically means I have a chemical imbalance in my brain that makes it very difficult for me to concentrate and leads me to day dream a lot. Now usually by this point in the explanation (when I’m telling someone in person) I get told that they think they have ADD too! Because they daydream and sometimes can’t concentrate. Now fair play it is possible that they may have ADD. But I’m going to lay down some statistics on here (courtesy of webMD).
Now would also be a good time to point out that Inattentive ADD is a form of ADHD which is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (I’m not hyperactive).
Anyway. The STATS!
ADULT ADHD STATISTICS
- ADHD afflicts approximately 3% to 10% of school-aged children and an estimated 60% of those will maintain the disorder into adulthood.
- Prevalence rates for ADHD in adults are not as well determined as rates for children, but fall in the 4% to 5% range.
- ADHD affects males at higher rate than females in childhood, but this ratio seems to even out by adulthood.
From this, I can assume that the likelihood of every person that has ever said to me that they may have ADD is pretty slim. This pisses me off so much because I really don’t think that people understand the pain in the ass ADD is. It’s not an excuse for not getting my work in time or for anything else.
I am incredibly anxious
I easily get sensory overload (which is why I don’t like clubbing, another thing people don’t understand.)
Through the years I have come to hate myself for my inability to concentrate.
I often feel like I simply can’t cope with life. I’m constantly forgetting to do things or forgetting my things in random places.
I am socially awkward
I have some serious mood swings
I can easily become depressed
I have a low tolerance for frustration
I have low self-esteem
and it is quite likely that I will struggle with employment in the future.
On the plus side I am more creative than most, however most of the time I struggle to convey the creative ideas in my head which is just frustrating.
But yeah, all of these things that I struggle with are part and parcel with my ADD… and I haven’t even listed them all.
I have needed YEARS of occupational and psychological therapy to help me, I take medication and often require extra tutoring. I am also pretty damn sure that if my ADD wasn’t diagnosed when it was I would have flunked school. If it wasn’t for my Mother’s constant support and determination to help me. I don’t know where I would be now, but it certainly wouldn’t be university.
Having said that, going to Uni and living alone feels like an impossible task. I sometimes spend weekends not going out. I don’t want to interact with other people, I don’t want to go shopping for food, I don’t want to do anything. I’ll actually go hungry to avoid going out. I won’t even go outside my room in case I have to try and have a conversation with my flatmates.
Another thing that gets on my tits is when people think that I’m using my ADD as an excuse, I’ll use it as an explanation for my disorganisation, my social awkwardness or anything that I know specifically relates to my ADD. I do this so people can understand that when I fuck up it’s not on purpose. That I’m not just being lazy and making up excuses. However when I do I get told that I must stop making excuses for myself and man up… So I’ll just man up and NOT HAVE ADD ANYMORE! If that were possible I would have done so already.
I am so tired of feeling incompetent and I am so tired of every other person thinking that they have ADD just because they day-dream now and then. For me it has been a constant struggle throughout my life.
Next time you meet someone with a form of ADHD, whatever you do, do not jump to the assumption that you have ADHD because you share a couple of symptoms… it’s not cool.
Also… don’t ask us if you can try our medication… that’s just fucked up.
Rant over…. and no, I’m not proof reading this.
One thought on “MY ADD RANT”
I wish I could say that I understand where you are coming from, but I cannot. At least not completely. I myself don’t have ADD but I have a family member that battled ADHD as a child. So I can only understand the observer’s point of view. I wish you the best in your daily struggles and hope that maybe one day it will clam enough to allow to you focus. On the creativity, I say that because this description is very vivid to me ” Instead I’m literally imagining a fly buzzing around inside my empty head while an intense feeling of anger and frustration starts to eat its way through my chest like acid until I’m ready to scream, punch and cry.” Again the best of luck and hope to you in your daily struggles.